Jacob and the NC General Assembly
I started working in the General Assembly of North Carolina two weeks ago. In these two long weeks, I still get goose bumps everytime I climb to the podium to pray. Every time I pray, I feel unworthy. I feel foolish. And yet, I do feel something that I would call, "The presence of the Lord."
How in the world can I bring my experience of God into the most powerful place in North Carolina? Well, to put it bluntly, I cannot. As I have been thinking about this, I came across a podcast of a preacher friend named Thad Barnum. Below are the reflections from him that I find incredibly valid in the context of my own life.
I have wrestled with God, literally. If it were not for the wrestling that I did one night in August of 1997, I would not be in the General Assembly. If it were not for that moment when I wrestled with God, I would not be a new creature, I would not be married to my beautiful bride, nor would I have my two kids. That one night of wrestling was the pivot point of my life. And this is why the story of Jacob really does bring together the intricate fibers of my story into one larger story of my life. The story of Jacob captures this pivot point. And this is where Bishop Thad steps in, and offers me some clarity.
You know you have faught with God. And you have reduced him from His glory in order to wrestle with Him. "If you were really God" you would do such and such, or so and so. Can you hear him saying, "Let me go?" Why has he come in the sound of humility? Why has he let us be stronger? Why has he allowed that moment, when all of a sudden, he was bound by us, and slapped, and mocked, and beaten? Peter does what we all do, in the midst of panic. We take out our sword. And Jesus turns and says to him, "What are you doing?"
Jesus speaks to us. But we don't want to let His power and word to prevail. Let me go. Let me go. In God's power, EL dislocates us. This is what God does with us. In the context of the thigh, it is the source of our strength. The thigh is the place where we give birth, where covenant is made, and even its said "Gird up your loins." El touches that place where we think we can handle all things. God brings us to the place where we wrestle with Him, and then God allows Himself to be overpowered by us. He becomes weak, in order for His strength to ultimately prevail. This is the weirdness of the gospel. And this is our Lord, Jesus Christ.
We bring our thoughts to God, our concerns, our worries. And God says, like He did to Jacob at the Jabak, "I dont care about Essau. I dont care about the 400 men. I care about you." We are overhwlemed. We are fearful, but God wants us to know one thing, that I care about you. All He did was touch, and Jacob knew that power came into his body. I will tell it to you once, before you get blessing, you will find that God first breaks. Before the eternal life comes the cross. Down comes the idol of strength. You who have captured God by your mind, watch it. Watch out. The idol will come down. This is not a God who fits into our image. This is us fitting into His. We put him into a box and put him in the halls of academia. We wrestled with him on our terms. But El says, "Let me go."
That God would become one of us, that he would humble himself, and chose to become one of us, even unto obedience to death, even death on a cross. The humility of the God-man is found in this text. Jacob knows enough to know that he is dealing with a power greater than he is. The lesser always seeks the blessing of the greater. I am the weaker, and I am pinning you down, by my strength, but you are stronger. Welcome to my world. Absolutely this makes sense. It makes sense experientially.
As politicians wrestle with issues, as I wrestle to prepare daily prayers, and as assistants wrestle with email and to-do lists, I pray that I can always remember how God allowed us to wrestle Him to the ground. I pray that I will continue to let the Lord inform all I do in this space. I pray against the powers and principalities, and I pray towards the glory of God's kingdom. There is a place deep inside that is full of fear. We try to get God where we want him. There is a place and a time when we simply must let go of God. Our tendency is to grab ahold of God and strangle Him. But we know that He is bigger than we are, and we hear the sound of His voice saying,"Let me go." In the grand scheme, its not about us wrestling with God. Its about God wrestling with us. Are we going to wrestle, and are we going to ultimately, allow God to rename us and bless us through our wrestling?
I have wrestled with God, literally. If it were not for the wrestling that I did one night in August of 1997, I would not be in the General Assembly. If it were not for that moment when I wrestled with God, I would not be a new creature, I would not be married to my beautiful bride, nor would I have my two kids. That one night of wrestling was the pivot point of my life. And this is why the story of Jacob really does bring together the intricate fibers of my story into one larger story of my life. The story of Jacob captures this pivot point. And this is where Bishop Thad steps in, and offers me some clarity.
You know you have faught with God. And you have reduced him from His glory in order to wrestle with Him. "If you were really God" you would do such and such, or so and so. Can you hear him saying, "Let me go?" Why has he come in the sound of humility? Why has he let us be stronger? Why has he allowed that moment, when all of a sudden, he was bound by us, and slapped, and mocked, and beaten? Peter does what we all do, in the midst of panic. We take out our sword. And Jesus turns and says to him, "What are you doing?"
Jesus speaks to us. But we don't want to let His power and word to prevail. Let me go. Let me go. In God's power, EL dislocates us. This is what God does with us. In the context of the thigh, it is the source of our strength. The thigh is the place where we give birth, where covenant is made, and even its said "Gird up your loins." El touches that place where we think we can handle all things. God brings us to the place where we wrestle with Him, and then God allows Himself to be overpowered by us. He becomes weak, in order for His strength to ultimately prevail. This is the weirdness of the gospel. And this is our Lord, Jesus Christ.
We bring our thoughts to God, our concerns, our worries. And God says, like He did to Jacob at the Jabak, "I dont care about Essau. I dont care about the 400 men. I care about you." We are overhwlemed. We are fearful, but God wants us to know one thing, that I care about you. All He did was touch, and Jacob knew that power came into his body. I will tell it to you once, before you get blessing, you will find that God first breaks. Before the eternal life comes the cross. Down comes the idol of strength. You who have captured God by your mind, watch it. Watch out. The idol will come down. This is not a God who fits into our image. This is us fitting into His. We put him into a box and put him in the halls of academia. We wrestled with him on our terms. But El says, "Let me go."
That God would become one of us, that he would humble himself, and chose to become one of us, even unto obedience to death, even death on a cross. The humility of the God-man is found in this text. Jacob knows enough to know that he is dealing with a power greater than he is. The lesser always seeks the blessing of the greater. I am the weaker, and I am pinning you down, by my strength, but you are stronger. Welcome to my world. Absolutely this makes sense. It makes sense experientially.
As politicians wrestle with issues, as I wrestle to prepare daily prayers, and as assistants wrestle with email and to-do lists, I pray that I can always remember how God allowed us to wrestle Him to the ground. I pray that I will continue to let the Lord inform all I do in this space. I pray against the powers and principalities, and I pray towards the glory of God's kingdom. There is a place deep inside that is full of fear. We try to get God where we want him. There is a place and a time when we simply must let go of God. Our tendency is to grab ahold of God and strangle Him. But we know that He is bigger than we are, and we hear the sound of His voice saying,"Let me go." In the grand scheme, its not about us wrestling with God. Its about God wrestling with us. Are we going to wrestle, and are we going to ultimately, allow God to rename us and bless us through our wrestling?
Comments