A reflection from Henri Nouwen that relates a lot to me

From: Intimacy: Essays in Pastoral Psychology

"One of the reasons why a man in the business or academic world is often able to tolerate considerable frustration is exactly related to the fac tthat he does not find his demanding boss back in his private home, that in his interracial committee he can be leader; that if he goes on a vacation with his wife and children he has authority and responsibility which is diffferent from his authority and respomsibility in his profession; that when he goes to the country club he can temporarily forget his conflict with his wife and his problems with his kids. In other words, there are different roofs under which he lives: his home, his office, his cottage, his country club, his church, all representing different realities of life with different authorities and responsibilities...IF you cannot say what you think to your assistant in your office, you at least have a chance to letyour steam of with your friends in the bar. Different places and different places. That can create a healthy balance. The priest often lacks this variation."


But even deeper than this, suggests Nouwen, is the need for self understanding. We must ask the question. "Who am I?...This relates to the need, within each of us, for inner privacy where we can hide from the tyranny of the world. A man who does not have privacy cannot be a part of the community. There must be a place "where nobody can enter, where I am completely by myself, where I can meet God, who by His incarnation has thrown off his otherness...Very often the priest has lost their private life. This is the place that the priest can be himself."

My time at Mepkin Abbey reminds me of Nouwen's wisdom. My deep desire to remain noisy, busy, and always moving around ( a busy body) is created to hide from the most urgent need I have---to be with the Lord and find refuge in HIM. So my prayer is that I can trust that, it is ok to be alone, and it is most important to spend time with Him. Daily. Maybe even twice daily.